Post by Starfleet Command on Oct 3, 2009 10:17:36 GMT -5
Quite an interesting character, but I have just a few little nitpicks...
I am unsure of the name of this character. It seems more than a little unlikely a person would be named such an uncommon name. Perhaps you could change it to be something a little less uncommon but still very unique?
I highly doubt that one eye would be silver - it is not a natural color of the human race at all. I would suggest changing it so that both eyes are blue. (Or, perhaps it was caused by an allergic reaction to something when she was young. Such things have happened before to cause people's eye colors to change.)
I would also like to point out that everyone should have weaknesses. Is she insecure? Is she shy? Is she just a big softie under that hard shell? Tell it.
Finally, I found this profile startlingly similar to that of Ensign Demetri Jackson's. While I am unsure if this was coincidence or not, I would feel much more comfortable if you changed a few elements and a few words (Such as 'she can't stand complete idiots'.) and a few concepts. I sincerely apologize for this, but as an outside party looking in, it does look a little too similar to the other profile.
I mean not to offend. My deepest apologies if I do! I am simply doing my job.
Our Sincerest Regards,
Starfleet High Command.
I am unsure of the name of this character. It seems more than a little unlikely a person would be named such an uncommon name. Perhaps you could change it to be something a little less uncommon but still very unique?
I highly doubt that one eye would be silver - it is not a natural color of the human race at all. I would suggest changing it so that both eyes are blue. (Or, perhaps it was caused by an allergic reaction to something when she was young. Such things have happened before to cause people's eye colors to change.)
I would also like to point out that everyone should have weaknesses. Is she insecure? Is she shy? Is she just a big softie under that hard shell? Tell it.
Finally, I found this profile startlingly similar to that of Ensign Demetri Jackson's. While I am unsure if this was coincidence or not, I would feel much more comfortable if you changed a few elements and a few words (Such as 'she can't stand complete idiots'.) and a few concepts. I sincerely apologize for this, but as an outside party looking in, it does look a little too similar to the other profile.
I mean not to offend. My deepest apologies if I do! I am simply doing my job.
Our Sincerest Regards,
Starfleet High Command.